When Rue Had A Bit Too Much Fun
by penchantforcain223
Summary: Basically, Saracen Rue has been in so many relationships, he didn't even know he had a daughter! His daughter, Melody Cryptic formed a group called the Luxuria Tercet (riot trio) and wants to help the dead men. A bit of flirting but not too much language and lots of insulting Fletcher's hair (YAY) it's a lot better than I'm making it sound. Very funny. Will post more chapters. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, guys, this is a story I had in my mind for a while. Basically, with all the affairs that Saracen had, surely one of them would have produced a magical kid. I swear its better than it sounds, I'm just really bad at summaries. Bear in mind when you're reading it that this is my first fanfic so please don't be too judgemental. Anyway, enjoy! Please R&R**

The sanctuary spy stayed quietly perched in his tree, and observed the three teenagers below him. They laughed at something the taller girl whispered.

"Oh that's right, they will Rue the day I start Vexing with them," she said confidently, putting extra emphasis on those two words. Pivoting on her heel, she turned to face the spy, grinning up at him and winking. The spy scrambled down the tree as quickly as she could. She had to warn the dead men.

DEAD MEN POV

The dead men were on their annual reunion in the sanctuary, waiting for Skullduggery and Valkyrie to show up so they could go. Everything was normal. Erskine was annoying everyone, Dexter and Saracen were flirting with themselves in the mirror and Anton and Ghastly were having a polite conversation about politics over cards. Suddenly a women burst in, her face red from running. Everyone abruptly stopped what they were doing, and turned to face the breathless woman.

"My dear, are you okay"? Questioned Anton, being the first one to recover his manners.

" dexter, rue, you're in trouble"! The spy burst into tears at the thought that the two handsome men were in danger.

"How, why, I'm too young to die"! Exclaimed Saracen, feeling extremely sorry for himself.

"What about me, I'm too pretty" protested Dexter, even more, sorry for himself, if that was possible.

"Do you remember how the Sanctuary assigned a spy to track and observe the Luxuria

Tercet?" she continued after their nods of recognition of the assignment.

"Well, I followed them and the leader, Melody Cryptic seemed to know I was there, somehow. And just as I was about to leave she turned to me and said, oh that's right, they will Rue the day I start Vexing with them" she couldn't help herself. She burst into a fresh wave of tears here. Erskine, idiotically thinking that this would be the best time to prove he was better at flirting then either Dexter or Saracen, went to the lady and wrapped his arm around her.

"Shhh, its all right," he said seductively, looking up at Saracen and Dexter, winking.

"What on earth are you doing you buffoon"? Said Ghastly in utter bewilderment.

"Uuuummmmmm" stuttered Erskine, racking his brains for a plausible excuse.

"Comforting her," he said, proud of himself for thinking that one up.

His answer was greeted by disbelieving stares.

"Anyway, they were last seen camping out in at an abandoned farm just outside of Haggard," said the lady, now having recovered her composure.

" Rue and I will go, it might be threatening us, or they might have valuable information. Our intel tells us that the Luxuria Tercet has never acted against the sanctuary, and they only murder assassins and villains. We believe not to be hostile so we should be safe enough." stated Dexter, suddenly business-like again.

"Is that okay with everyone"? Queried Anton, ever the fair one.

Everyone raised their hands in consent aside from Erskine, who wanted to go as well and was currently sulking at the unfairness of it all.

"First, I think it would be wise to find all we can about the Luxuria Tercet", said Ghastly, thinking out loud.

"Behold, the only brains here, well aside from me of course," said Fletcher smirking as he teleported into the room. He stopped clowning when he noticed the sombre mood in the room.

"Um, guys what's happening"?

Anton and Ghastly sighed in unison and sent off Dexter and Saracen

(They knew Erskine wouldn't do anything )to find out what they could about the Luxuria Tercet while they filled in Fletcher on the conversation they just had.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, sorry I haven't posted in a while but completely forgot about this story! Anyway please R&R**

"Hey, guys I think I found something", Rue called over the boxes and boxes that surrounded him, having been researching and poking through the dusty cabinets of files for the last 11 hours. All the dead men, weary-eyed and heavy feet, started stumbling towards him. One by one, they slowly eyed each other and quickened the pace. Of course, being the dead men, they had to turn it into a competition.

Soon they were shoving and tripping, sprinting through the room, tripping on boxes before they ended in a sweaty, panting line before him. Saracen stared at them with scared eyes, not entirely sure about what just happened. Skulduggery, with no muscles to tire and no lungs to desperately scream at him, had obviously come first. Next was Dexter, the living war machine, followed closely by Anton. Behind Shudder, Ghastly and Erskine, having come in a tie. Valkyrie had come second last and was currently sulking and, of all people, Fletcher had come last. In the race, he had been too preoccupied in not getting his hair messed up that he had completely forgotten how to teleport. Idiot.

"So, what have you found?" Anton asked, trying to get a bit of his dignity back after competing in such a childish race.

"Uuuuhhhh" stammered Saracen, momentarily forgetting the cause of the mad scramble."Oh yeah, it says here that Eliza Scorn had a child who she sold to Russian intelligence. And apparently, when she was there, she chose the name _Melody Cryptic_."

"Huh", said Erskine, peering closer at the small, black and white picture of her, "she kinda looks like you Saracen".

"What, no she doesn't", said Saracen, panicking as a horrible thought came into his head.

"Rue you're a terrible liar and I'm a brilliant detective, do you really think that I can't tell that you're lying?" Skullduggery said proudly, always pleased at a chance to remind others how brilliant he really was.

Saracen sighed."Fine, I maybe might've known Eliza Scorn a little better than I let on."

Anton and Ghastly frowned, being the only ones among them who weren't dirty-minded, they didn't get Rue's meaning.

Seeing the confused looks on his friend's faces, Dexter decided to elaborate.

"He um, went to bed with her" he clarified, wishing that he wasn't to be the one explaining it to them. Both Anton and Ghastly started to look around the room awkwardly.

"Are you saying that Melody Cryptic is ... your daughter?" Valkyrie said incredulously, still trying to wrap her head around the terrifying prospect of Saracen as a father.

"Oh no, no wonder the poor girl is deranged" sympathised Skulduggery, feeling truly sorry for Melody.

"Oh come on, I never met her, if anything blames her psychotic tendencies on her mother." protested Saracen.

"But that's less fun than blaming you for everything," said Erskine through a pout. The rest of the group silently nodded in agreement. In their eyes, Rue was _designed_ to take all the blame. It saved so many arguments because, well, it normally _was _Saracens fault anyways.

"Well, as this is a job for the finest detectives in the world, it is obvious that I should be the one to seek her out." Declared Skulduggery, as he had not been present when they decided that it would be Saracen and Dexter who would be going on this mission. Awkward glances and stifled sniggers were cast around the room unknown by Skulduggery as he was too busy striking a dramatic pose and thinking about how utterly awesome he must look.

"We actually have already elected Saracen and Dexter to go on that mission" calmly stated Anton, internally relishing squashing Skulduggery's ego, even if it was only for a bit. Skullduggery's posture sagged as he moped over to the only corner in the dusty hall that wasn't occupied with cabinets to sulk, muttering about how they should have chosen him and how he was obviously the best choice. Tipstaff hurried in with a cup of tea in one hand and a slim laptop in the other.

"Excuse me Grand Mage, but we picked up footage of the Luxuria Tercet while one of our spies was doing a surveillance sweep of Ashbourne," he said, puffing. To Tipstaff, any exercise was a terrible waste of time.

"Where are they now Tipstaff?" questioned Ghastly, taking the tea out of Tipstaff's hands and sipping it.

"They are currently residing in a farm just off the highway," he said, opening the laptop to show them the exact location.

Dexter nodded. "We'll leave in the morning." he turned to Saracen.

"Let's go find your daughter."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! I know I haven't posted in a long time, but here's the third chapter. please R&R. Stay tuned and comment if you have an OC you want me to put in. you have to include**

**Power:**

**Name:**

**Weapons of choice:**

**Character traits:**

**Fear:**

**Relationship with the rest of the characters:**

The 'borrowed' farmhouse was perched on top of a hill, giving the occupants a 360 view of anyone approaching. On every side, there was an acre of fields, filled with wheat and corn. Out in the fields, there was a young girl of the age of 15 pretending to know how to use the plough she was holding. Lowering her straw hat further down on her honey brown face, she thought as hard as she could, hoping that Jakob would be reading her thoughts. _"Hey Jake, you there?"_

_"Always Mellow, always," _his cheerful dutch accent said in her mind.

_"What about you Angel?" _she thought, using Jakob's mind as a pathway to her logical friend.

"_Present!" _Angelica's smooth voice carried through her brain.

"_Great! Any sign of the idiots?_"Melody Cryptic thought happily.

" _Yep! Dexter and the backstabbing, flabby-_" started Angelica only to be interrupted by Jakob cutting over her to say," _By that, she means that Vex and Rue are approaching the farmhouse from your direction. Listen to what we are saying very carefully, and do NOT stray from the script._" Melody huffed and Modified her appearance so her skin was paler, her normally dark amber green eyes changed to light grey ones. Reaching out with her mind, she Modified Jakob and Angelica, turning them into an elderly couple. Melody staggered, leaning heavily against her plough, exhausted.

"_Mel, you okay?_" spoke Angelica's worried voice reverberated softly in her head.

"_I'm fine, Modifying other people always takes more out of me than doing it to myself_." she thought, righting herself as Dexter and Saracen turned the corner and started to approach her.

"_They're coming! Remember Mel, Stick. To. The. Script_. _We do NOT want a repeat of Australia._" Jakob whispered urgently, transferring the thought to Melody's brain.

"_Of course! Jeez, don't be such a Debbie Downer_" she teasingly said. Melody frowned, and as Dexter and Rue turned the corner she hurriedly thought " G_uys, bad news. I may have completely forgotten the script. Not to worry though, I happen to be brilliant at improvising_."

"_NO!_" screamed Angelica and Jakob in unison.

"_YOU ARE TERRIBLE AT IMPROVISING_" ranted Jakob as Dexter and Saracen cautiously this apparently crazy girl who was grinning and muttering playful Irish curses under her breath.

"_Um hello? Miss, you alright_" said Saracen, quite terrified, thinking that she could be possessed.

"_The idiots talking, quick, answer and don't make me regret this_" sighed Angelica in her brain. Looking up at the two dead men in front of her and smiling saintly.

"Howdy!" Melody said cheerfully and as the two men shared a confused glance, she mentally heard the facepalms of her friends.

"_That's Texan Mel_" muttered Jakob in an exasperated tone.

"Um, miss? Why are you talking like a Texan_?_" asked Dexter, now seriously concerned for her mental health.

"well," argued Melody, "what do Irish people say, then, hello? That's so boring. Also, what do you have against Texans? They are a perfectly good, gun-loving group of people." The sound of face-palming filled her head.

'Um ok, sorry." Stuttered Dexter, surprised by her quick change in attitude. "We were just wondering if you had seen a group of three teens around here.

"Nope I haven't, but my gran and papa might have," she said, already cheerful again. If you follow me we can go ask her." Melody said, inwardly glowing from pride as she could no longer hear the face-palming. As she walked up to the farmhouse, Vex and Saracen shared a look that simply said "this girl is way too dumb to be tricking us" and followed her up the hill.


End file.
